Riding the Wave
Urge surfing is a technique that can help you manage unwanted behaviour by learning to ride it out, like a surfer riding a big wave safely to shore.
For some, the emotional turbulence and isolation from COVID might have increased unwanted behaviours from distress and radical changes in the ways you usually cope. Some unwanted behaviours might include over-eating, under-eating, consuming more sugar and alcohol, lashing out in anger, and avoiding loved ones.Urge-surfing can provide a better alternative to just willing yourself to “tough it out” or to talk yourself out of it and not do the thing, whatever that may be.
Many urges don’t actually last longer than 30 minutes if we don’t “feed” them by ruminating, giving them attention and meaning, behaving in ways that are going to increase the urge (such as not wanting to smoke but hanging out in places where people are likely to smoke to see what happens), and suppressing them or fighting them, and so on. It’s only natural to want to get rid of urges when they come up because of how uncomfortable and convincing they are. But the more we do this the more frequent and intense those urges can become.The urge is like a wave: it starts small, ramps up becoming bigger and bigger, hits a peak, and then gradually falls - if we let it.
How to Surf Urges
Decrease emotional vulnerability
It’s a lot easier to surf urges when your physical needs have been met and you are more emotionally regulated as a result. Check to see if you can increase your reserves (e.g., take your usual medication, have a nap, eat a snack, drink water, attend to your physical pain, move for a bit etc.).
Begin by identifying one urge to surf
It’s hard enough to surf one urge so don’t set yourself up to “fail” by trying to surf a whole bunch of urges at once.
Use your mindfulness skills
Observe your breath as it naturally is - don’t try and control or change your breathing.
Observe your thoughts and watch how they come and go.
Without judging, when you get distracted (because you will), bring your attention back to your breath.
Focus on the physical sensations associated with the urge
Focus on one area of your body where you can feel the physical sensations associated with the urge, and notice what it feels like. If you can notice when the urge peaks- great ! If not, you can always try again next time.a. What are the sensations' exact borders?b. Is it heavy or is it light? c. Does it have a temperature?d. Do the sensations in that area change?e. How intense does it feel? f. What other qualities does this sensation have?g. What else do you notice?
Repeat this part of the process with other physical sensations in other areas of your body associated with the urge.
Try to adopt a curious mind as to what arises in your experience of your physical sensations. If thoughts come up (e.g., “ I can’t stand this ! I want this to end !!!”) then observe them, and bring your attention back to the physical sensations.
Pay attention to any changes that you have noticed as a result of doing this.
Remember, even if you practice urge-surfing and then engage in the unwanted behaviour that’s still a step in the right direction! It might be important to praise yourself for your efforts so you don’t become demoralized and give up altogether. This is a difficult practice and so it can take lots of practice to reap the benefits.
A bit about the author
Melanie Adamsons is a Registered Clinical Counsellor at Latitude Counselling, and specializes in DBT, CBT and client-centred therapy.