Invalidation can be exquisitely painful to experience, especially when it’s ongoing or occurring in close relationships. Regardless of the other person’s intentions, invalidation can lead to people not feeling worthy of support, to doubt their own experiences, to feel alone, and to judge their own emotions and thoughts.

One way to improve repair in relationships when you’ve done something that hurts someone else is to use correction-overcorrection. This can also be helpful if you are struggling with feelings of shame, guilt, and regret for having done something that negatively impacted someone else.

Urge surfing is a technique that can help you manage unwanted behaviour by learning to ride it out, like a surfer riding a big wave safely to shore.

Being able to fully experience moments of pleasantness, happiness, and joy is not always a straightforward and easy task. In the short-term, it can feel easier to avoid feeling good in order to not experience feelings of loss or disappointment.

Let’s back up a bit and start with the why of self-care. Why do we do it? Why is it necessary? We do it to evoke agency, to connect with ourselves, to check in with ourselves and to not only use it as a preventative tool, but also to sustain us. When we practice self-care and prioritize ourselves, we can begin to feel our best and function at our best.

I recently attended a workshop on the topic of Matrescence held by Cayley Benjamin, a Motherhood Coach. She explains Matrescence as “the profound transformation – physical, psychological, social, economic and existential – that a mother experiences as they become a mom and journey through motherhood”

Ironic process theory refers to the process by which suppressing thoughts (e.g., intrusive thoughts, anxious thoughts, urges to drink) can lead to such thoughts emerging with vengeance. This theory posits that there are two cognitive processes at play here.