Yes, No, but Maybe so?

It’s no surprise that sometimes we just don’t want to do the things that we actually want to do. Just yesterday, I was thinking about recommitting to further martial art  lessons. I really enjoyed the martial art lessons that I had taken a few months ago and had been planning on continuing them in the fall. I took a look at the information yesterday and was rather impressed by all the reasons I was coming up with to delay going. 

Some of my best arguments against going involved having to go in the evening time in the middle of the week, knowing it will be the rainy season soon enough, and thinking of all the other things that I could spend that money on that would allow me to sit and relax! 

I ended up committing to a bunch of classes at once because I figured I would grumble about going, enjoy it once I’m there, and then grumble about going again. I expect my grumbling will become less and less over time. But, it will take time. Even if my grumbling doesn’t disappear completely, I expect I’ll keep in mind how this is connected to my long-term goals of having more moments of play and spontaneity. 

Oftentimes, I talk to clients about taking action steps and not waiting until they feel like doing it, especially as short-term relief can triumph over long-term gains for most of us. Just because you don’t feel like doing something doesn’t mean that you are not motivated to do it! If we wait to do something until we feel like it, it may never happen.This can be especially difficult and challenging if you are struggling with your mental health and mood. 

Here are a few ideas. 

First, it might be useful to keep track of your emotions before, during, and after the situation so you can check whether it had a positive impact or not.The tracking sheet can provide some evidence. This might be useful to refer back to if you start convincing yourself that it didn’t help in the past. You could have a series of columns such as “ goal”, “Before activity_emotion”, “During activity_emotion”, “After activity_emotion” and “Other observations”. Sometimes we might not feel better straight away after doing something but we might still be glad that we did it.

Second, it might also be useful to keep track of both the negative and positive aspects of the experience. If we are struggling with our emotions, it can be really easy to look back at the past and colour it with our present mood. 

Third, try scheduling in certain activities instead of waiting for motivation to strike. This could include putting your goals in your calendar for a few weeks at a time, paying for events in advance to create financial motivation, or letting others know your plans in advance so they can check-in to see how it went (enlist some positive and supportive peer pressure !). 

The main takeaway here is don’t wait until you feel motivated. Motivation can often come afterwards.

Warmly,

Melanie

A bit about the author

Melanie Adamsons is a Registered Clinical Counsellor at Latitude Counselling, and specializes in DBT, CBT and client-centred therapy.