Being vs. Doing

I went out for the first time in a long time to see a play. It was a rather endearing storyline about relationships being at the centre of our world and the power of enduring friendships during insurmountable loss. It had strong undercurrents of telling you to go and seize all the many moments of the day before you die.  The problem was that I was sitting there very acutely aware of the fact that I was not going to get these 2 hours of my life back. It wasn’t a play that suited my taste but I did enjoy  the humour of my predicament. 

I went back and forth between trying to throw my attention back onto the stage and going through my to-do list for the rest of the week, along with my dinner plans for the evening (in case you were wondering, I ended up having a nice plate of pasta). I  was torn between two modes of being : Being and Doing modes. 

We can think of Being mode and Doing mode as two different states of mind. When we are in Being mode, we are focused on being present and open to the moment without striving to hold onto any goal. It’s not about doing “nothing” but doing what we are doing for the sake of it. If we are listening to music then we are listening to music instead of using it as a way to pass the time or distract ourselves. If we are walking then we are walking to walk instead of trying to get to a specific destination on time. The focus is on experiencing the here and now. When we are in Doing mode, we are goal oriented and focused on problem solving. 

I’ve been working hard to dig out of my “inner laziness” that’s been buried by years of intensive school and a major move across the Atlantic ocean and then across Canada. I was very focused on getting things done in an efficient and timely manner. To some degree, I spent a lot of time in this Doing mode out of necessity. But, I very much value Being mode and it took ongoing practice to get in touch with it again.

Both modes are valuable in their own right and we can’t be in one mode all the time. But we can strive for a balance between being and doing. Maybe that’s slowing down to become more aware of our thoughts, feelings, sensations at the time that it’s happening or focusing on one thing at a time (one step at a time, one dish at a time, or moving one set of muscles at a time). Or, maybe that’s reviewing the past, planning for the future, and trying to get things done.  Do you spend more time in being mode or doing mode? Which mode would you like to cultivate more of?

A bit about the author

Melanie Adamsons is a Registered Clinical Counsellor at Latitude Counselling, and specializes in DBT, CBT and client-centred therapy